Learn What Your Mechanic Never Taught You
The official training program for elevator professionals who learned everything from YouTube, Google, and "figure it out yourself" mentorship. Now with 69% more actual information!
📚 YOUTUBE UNIVERSITY - "Where Every Mechanic Gets Their Real Education" - Subscribe Now! 📚
Four comprehensive modules designed by mechanics who actually remember what it was like to not know shit
Master the ancient art of being told nothing and expected to know everything. Learn how to nod knowingly when you have no idea what's happening. Covers basic troubleshooting, tool identification, and how to not look stupid.
Learn to stare at schematics with confidence. Includes: how to hold prints so you look professional, the art of the thoughtful head tilt, and phrases like "hmm, that's interesting" to buy yourself time.
How to explain technical problems to people who don't care. Includes: saying "it's complicated" 47 different ways, promising "15 minutes" when you mean 2 hours, and the sacred art of blame deflection.
Advanced techniques for returning to the same building 47 times without losing your mind. Covers documentation that covers your ass, phrases that imply "not my fault," and the Zen of accepting that some elevators just hate you.
Test your knowledge! This is from Module 1: "Figure It Out" Fundamentals.
*This is joke pricing for a joke certification. Please don't actually pay for these.
*Free as in "you're not actually learning anything"
"Since getting certified, I've been able to pretend I know what I'm doing with 30% more confidence. My callbacks are the same, but I feel better about them."
Class of 2024
"The 'Building Manager Communication' module alone was worth it. I can now say 'it's complicated' in 47 different ways. My career is thriving."
Class of 2023
"I hung my Assclown Certificate next to my real ones. My boss asked if it was real. I said 'as real as anything else in this industry.' He didn't disagree."
Class of 2022
DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical certification program. It does not provide any actual industry credentials, trade knowledge, or professional qualification. If you need real training, please contact your local union or employer. This is just for laughs.