❓ FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ❓

No. Assclown Elevators is a satirical fiction brand creating merchandise and content for the elevator trade. We make t-shirts, stickers, and other merch that elevator mechanics actually want to buy. We're not a real elevator company—we just understand what it's like to work for one.

Because everyone in this industry has been called worse by a building manager at 4:55 PM on a Friday. The name captures the absurdity of the trade—where you're expected to perform miracles with duct tape while being blamed for problems you didn't cause. If you've worked in elevators, you get it.

Absolutely not. We're not affiliated with Otis, KONE, Schindler, TK, or any other elevator company. We're not affiliated with the IUEC or any real union. "Union Local 404" is fictional. This is all satire and parody for entertainment purposes. We're just elevator trade people making jokes for other elevator trade people.

Yes! Our t-shirts, stickers, posters, and other merch are real products that actually ship. We use print-on-demand services to fulfill orders. When you buy something, you actually get it delivered to your door. Wild concept, we know.

We use quality blanks and prints. The shirts are comfortable enough to wear in the pit all day. The stickers can handle machine room temperatures. We're not running a scam here—we want you to actually like what you buy so you tell your coworkers about us.

About 5-10 business days for most US orders. We print on demand, so there's production time before shipping. Unlike the part you've been waiting 6 months for, our stuff actually arrives eventually.

If something arrives damaged or there's a quality issue, contact us and we'll make it right. We're not going to fight you on it. But if you just changed your mind, that's on you—print-on-demand doesn't really work with returns.

God no. It's a joke. A funny piece of paper you can hang in your shop or give to a coworker as a gag gift. It has zero professional value. OSHA, your employer, and the actual licensing boards do not recognize it. Because it's a joke. Don't put it on your resume.

Because it's funny. Because your coworker is an actual assclown and deserves to be recognized. Because you want to hang something in your shop that makes people laugh. It's not that deep.

We're not a career counseling service, but the basic answer is: apply to elevator companies or your local union (the real IUEC). It typically involves an apprenticeship program. The pay is good but the work is demanding. Do your research. Google "elevator mechanic apprenticeship" for your area.

Yes. The stats on our homepage about deaths and injuries are based on real industry data. Elevator work is genuinely one of the more dangerous construction trades. That's partly why our humor is so dark—you have to laugh or you'll cry. The counterweight doesn't care about your family.

If you've worked service, you know. Building managers often have no technical knowledge but lots of opinions. They promise tenants things mechanics can't deliver. They call at 4:55 PM on Fridays. They think everything is a "quick fix." The jokes write themselves.

Because callbacks are the bane of every service mechanic's existence. You fix something, it breaks again (or was never really fixed), you go back, the building complains, you fix it again, repeat forever. The callback cycle is eternal. At least we can laugh about it.

Email us at support@assclownelevators.com (or whatever contact method we have set up). We're a small operation so responses might take a day or two. We're not 24/7 dispatch—we have lives too.

Sure! We're always looking for ideas. If it's funny and trade-related, we might make it. No promises though. If we use your idea, we'll give you credit (and probably a free shirt or something).

Maybe! Contact us and let's talk. We're open to partnerships that make sense. If you're running a trade event or have a shop where elevator people gather, we might be able to work something out.