Join the Assclown Elevators Family*
We're always looking for people willing to work 60-hour weeks, get blamed for everything, and explain to building managers why "it's not that simple" for the 400th time.
*"Family" means we'll guilt-trip you into working holidays
💼 INDEED ELEVATOR JOBS - "47 Results. 46 Are The Same Company That Can't Keep Staff." 💼
*Arrows point to who gets blamed when something goes wrong (always down)
Fix elevators that have been "fixed" 47 times already. Explain to building managers why the part is on backorder for 6 months. Pretend you're surprised when it breaks again.
Hold the flashlight wrong. Carry heavy shit. Get yelled at for asking questions. Get yelled at for not asking questions. Figure it out.
Spend 4 hours making doors close perfectly. Building complains anyway. Return tomorrow to "fix" doors that were fine when you left.
Convert obsolete systems to slightly less obsolete systems. Tell building owners their 1970s relay logic "still works fine" while praying nothing catches fire.
Order the wrong part. Get blamed. Order it again. Still wrong. Third time? Discontinued. Suggest "universal" replacement. Get blamed.
Send mechanics to impossible jobs. Promise building managers "15 minutes." Watch the phone light up with angry calls. Blame the mechanic.
Promise things that aren't possible. Sell maintenance contracts we can't fulfill. Disappear after the signature. Blame service when it all falls apart.
60-hour weeks destroy marriages. We plan ahead.
After 10 years in the pit, you'll need it.
For repairs, personal use, and holding your life together.
Monthly supply of our proprietary "it'll work for now" lubricant.
So dispatch can ruin your dinner. And your weekend. And your vacation.
With GPS so management knows you took 45 minutes at lunch.
*Health insurance available after 90-day probation period, assuming you survive probation
Fill out the form below. HR will review your application within 4-6 weeks, then call you at 6am to ask if you can start tomorrow.
*ENTRY LEVEL: "Entry level" means 3-5 years experience preferred. "Competitive salary" means we'll lowball you. "Fast-paced environment" means understaffed. "Room for growth" means the last guy quit. "Like a family" means we'll guilt-trip you into working holidays.